'Allo 'Allo!: Series 5
BBC (1988)
TV Series  /  Comedy, War
In Collection
Seen ItNo
IMDB   8.3
670 mins UK / English
Moira Foot Denise Laroque
Sam Kelly Captain Hans Geering
Carmen Silvera Edith Artois
Guy Siner Lt.Hubert Gruber
Hilary Minster General Erich Von Klinkerhoffen
Richard Gibson Herr Flick
Kim Hartman Private Helga Geerhart
Francesca Gonshaw Maria Recamier
Kirsten Cooke Michelle
Arthur Bostrom Officer Crabtree
Francesca Conshaw Maria Recamier
John Louis Mansi Von Smallhausen
Vicki Michelle Yvette Carte-Blanche
Gavin Richards Captain Alberto Bertorelli
David Janson Herr Flick - Final Season
Martin Dennis
David Croft
Producer David Croft
Writer David Croft
Jeremy Lloyd

Meet René, the most wanted man in Occupied France: Women want his body. The Resistance wants his brain. And the Nazis want his sausage! In a small café in occupied France the harassed proprietor, René, is fighting his own war. With the German Army in residence at the bar, René is risking his neck to aid the Resistance by hiding two British airmen and a radio transmitter upstairs. As if this wasn't enough, René has also got involved in hiding a priceless painting in a garlic sausage, which even now is being sniffed out by the Gestapo. But René's real problem is his wife, Edith, and what she will do to him when she finds out about the affairs he is having with his two sexy waitresses!
 30 mins    03/09/1988  1.  Desperate Doings in the Dungeon
Herr Flick is still held in the dungeons, and if he cracks he can divulge that the painting of the Fallen Madonna have been copied. That´s why he must be rescued by Helga, von Smallhousen, and René - dressed as Himmler. The Colonel and the Lieutenant are ordered by the General to let Herr Flick die in a rescue attempt by the Résistance, but seeing the danger of getting caught in a crossfire, they dress up as Gestapo officers to rescue Herr Flick, only to find René chained up instead.
Director:  David Croft  Writer:  David Croft  / Jeremy Lloyd 
 30 mins    10/09/1988  2.  The Camera in the Potato
Starting off in women´s underwear in the dungeons of the General´s castle, René is rescued by Lieutenant Gruber, and comes back just in time to be briefed by Michelle from the Résistance about the camera which will be used to photograph the safe in the château. That night, Helga and the General is supposed to dine at Café René, but Helga is ordered away by Herr Flick, and the General has to endure Edith´s "seduction" before he can get away. René can get into the château, but he doesn´t know that the safe is in Lieutenant Gruber´s room.
Director:  Martin Dennis  Writer:  David Croft  / Jeremy Lloyd 
 30 mins    17/09/1988  3.  Dinner with the General
The show opens during the air raid which ended last episode - Rene is running back to the Cafe, and Von Klinkerhoffen, Von Strohm, and Bertorelli are all hiding under their desks. Herr Flick continues interrogating Helga about the plot to blow up Hitler. Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen disguise themselves as the musicians to discover whether Von Klinkerhoffen is truly blowing up Hitler. Michelle devises a plan for Rene and Leclerc to break into Gruber's room during a smoke bomb diversion disguised as firemen and blow the safe. But Edith and Yvette pick the wrong chimney down which to throw the smoke bomb, instead hitting Von Klinkerhoffen's chimney.
Director:  Martin Dennis  Writer:  David Croft  / Jeremy Lloyd 
 30 mins    24/09/1988  4.  The Dreaded Circular Saw
The plan to photograph the plans for the German invasion of Great Britain goes bad when Edith puts the smoke bomb in the wrong chimney of the château, and René and LeClerc are forced to blow up the safe in another kind of chaos than they had originally planned. During the escape, René and LeClerc are captured by the Communist Résistance. Helga is ordered by the Colonel to be Lieutenant Gruber´s best friend, but during their not-so-romantic tête-à-tête, Edith and the servant girls steal the Lieutenant´s little tank to try and rescue René.
Director:  Martin Dennis  Writer:  David Croft  / Jeremy Lloyd 
 30 mins    01/10/1988  5.  Enter Denise
Denise, the head of the Communist Résistance, who was René´s sweetheart in his childhood in Nancy, and who´s now determined to marry René. Meanwhile, Edith and the servant girls have to explain to the Lieutenant why his little tank has crashed into the public toilet, and ends up getting Gruber´s compassion. René has a difficult time telling Edith that he will marry Denise, since Monsieur Alphonse has asked for Edith´s hand, and Yvette has it in her heart to tell Edith that René will marry her instead.
Director:  Martin Dennis  Writer:  David Croft  / Jeremy Lloyd 
 30 mins    08/10/1988  6.  A Marriage of Inconvenience
René's wedding to Denise is due shortly and he is not too happy about it. Edith has hatched a plan, which requires Michelle and her girls to kidnap Denise. Then, Edith can take her place at the altar and marry René. Edith arranges a romantic dinner for her and René at the café. The next morning, Michelle informs Edith that she has kidnapped Denise and put her in a mine shaft. René is getting ready as Gruber arrives to question him. René assures Gruber and Von Strohm that the paintings are safe.
Director:  Martin Dennis  Writer:  David Croft  / Jeremy Lloyd 
 30 mins    15/10/1988  7.  Post-Matrimonial Depression
Denise Laroque escapes from the mineshaft and leads her Communist Resistance fighters in an attack on the Cafe René. The staff pretend that René is dead so that he can go into hiding disguised as his own father. Colonel Von Strohm orders Helga to find René and protect him, since he's the only person who knows where the original paintings are hidden. The Communist Resistance recapture René. Denise decides that he wasn't responsible for the wedding fiasco. She announces her intention to kill Edith, Yvette and Mimi instead.
Director:  Susan Belbin  Writer:  David Croft  / Jeremy Lloyd 
 30 mins    22/10/1988  8.  The Coming of the The Long Distance Duck
René, having been dumped out of the Communist truck, reports to the girls that Denise has vowed to kill them all, so Edith starts hiding in various disguises. Helga reports to Von Strohm that the paintings are in the Communist HQ, so they make plans to attack the Communists and recover the art, using Bertorelli and his just-arrived Italian troops. Von Klinkerhoffen comes to report that the German Generals will be arriving for a conference to plan the British invasion, and René is told by Michelle that he will end up doing the catering for the conference and that he must photograph the plans and send them by duck.
Director:  Susan Belbin  Writer:  David Croft  / Jeremy Lloyd 
 30 mins    29/10/1988  9.  Watch the Birdie
It's the day of the Generals' conference. The long distance duck is let loose and Captain Bertorelli shoots it. A French General stops off at the Cafe on his way to the chateau and gets paralysed by Mimi. Officer Crabtree takes his place. At the conference, the Generals eat some 'mints' which are actually 'foam at the mouth' pills. In the ensuing confusion, René manages to photograph a map of the planned invasion.
Director:  Susan Belbin  Writer:  David Croft  / Jeremy Lloyd 
 30 mins    05/11/1988  10.  René - Under an Assumed Nose
The long distance duck is recovered. It was only stunned when Captain Bertorelli shot it. The photograph René took of the invasion map was useless. He decides to leave the Résistance. Michelle tries to dissuade him by telling him she's madly in love with him. Lieutenant Gruber is ordered to arrest René for the attempted poisoning of the Generals. Rene disguises himself as the French General in an attempt to escape the threatened firing squad. Monsieur Le Clerc makes him a false nose using plastic explosive by mistake. The nose is accidentally ignited. Rene throws it out of the window and it blows up Herr Flick.
Director:  Susan Belbin  Writer:  David Croft  / Jeremy Lloyd 
 30 mins    12/11/1988  11.  The Confusion of the Generals
The Germans now suspect the French General of trying to poison the German Generals, so Rene is reprieved. Herr Flick is in traction after being blown up when Rene's false nose exploded. General Von Klinkerhoffen plans to continue the Generals' Conference with local peasants disguised as German Generals at the chateau and the real Generals disguised as peasants in the Cafe Rene. He thinks that the Resistance will blow up the peasants, thinking that they're the real Generals. Michelle arrives at the cafe to say that a group of British airmen, disguised as onion sellers, will arrive shortly. The German Generals also arrive dressed as onion sellers. There's an air raid and, in the confusion, the wrong group of onion sellers is sent off to England.
Director:  Susan Belbin  Writer:  David Croft  / Jeremy Lloyd 
 30 mins    19/11/1988  12.  Who's for the Vatican?
Luckily for René, the German Generals end up in Berlin rather than England. Colonel Von Strohm and Lieutenant Gruber tell René that he must recover the paintings from the Communist Resistance headquarters. René disguises himself as a Franciscan vicar and sets off with Mimi in the pram, disguised as a baby. Meanwhile, Helga is also heading for the headquarters disguised as a nurse, pushing Herr Flick, disguised as a baby, in another pram. The Italians storm the headquarters and are captured by the Communist Résistance. René manages to recover the paintings but is caught by Denise Laroque and her Communist Résistance.
Director:  Susan Belbin  Writer:  David Croft  / Jeremy Lloyd 
 30 mins    26/11/1988  13.  Ribbing the Bonk
René, Mimi, Monsieur Le Clerc, Lieutenant Gruber, Colonel Von Strohm and the Italian soldiers are being held prisoner by the Communist Résistance. René and Le Clerc are released so that they can go and collect a million Franc ransom for the release of the Germans and Italians. General Von Klinkerhoffen won't pay the ransom, so René and company decide to rob the local bank. They end up trapped in the strongroom and have to blow their way out.
Director:  Martin Dennis  Writer:  David Croft  / Jeremy Lloyd 
 30 mins    03/12/1988  14.  The Reluctant Millionaires
It's revealed that the money which René and his staff stole from the bank is forged and belongs to the Gestapo. Mimi and the Germans have managed to escape. Denise and Louise of the Communist Résistance are on the run. They end up hiding in the Café René.
Director:  Martin Dennis  Writer:  David Croft  / Jeremy Lloyd 
 30 mins    10/12/1988  15.  A Duck for Launch
Herr Flick's uncle, Heinrich Himmler, orders him to recover the forged money which René and company stole from the bank. Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen disguise themselves as fishmongers to see if anyone is trying to spend forged money. Michelle has spent some of the money on a trip to the hairdressers and Monsieur Alphonse has been given it in his change. Monsieur Alphonse is arrested when he spends some of the forged banknotes. The long distance duck is sent off on its journey to England.
Director:  Martin Dennis  Writer:  David Croft  / Jeremy Lloyd 
 30 mins    17/12/1988  16.  The Exploding Bedpan
Monsieur Alphonse is being interrogated by the Gestapo about the forged money. Colonel Von Strohm and Lieutenant Gruber are afraid that they'll be implicated in the theft of the money, so they plan to have Monsieur Alphonse poisoned before he talks. He has a heart attack and is sent to the hospital. René pretends to have food poisoning so that he can get into the hospital as part of a plan to recue Monsieur Alphonse.
Director:  Martin Dennis  Writer:  David Croft  / Jeremy Lloyd 
 30 mins    24/12/1988  17.  Going Like a Bomb
René escapes from the hospital and makes his way back to the café. Herr Flick sends Von Smallhausen undercover to the hospital mortuary to look for the Gestapo money. Meanwhile Helga has discovered that the money is forged. It's stuffed down Captain Bertorelli's trousers so that he can take it back to the café. Michelle reveals a new plan for the British airmen to escape in giant landmines, which will be dropped over England.
Director:  Martin Dennis  Writer:  David Croft  / Jeremy Lloyd 
 30 mins    31/12/1988  18.  Money to Burn
Herr Flick plans to have Monsieur Le Clerc executed unless the Gestapo money is returned. Unfortunately, the money was hidden in the oven at the café until Fanny decided to do some cooking. Rene tries to get London to send some more forged money, but there's a cockup and the money from the British plane ends up falling all over Nouvion.
Director:  Martin Dennis  Writer:  David Croft  / Jeremy Lloyd 
 30 mins    07/01/1989  19.  Puddings Can Go Off
The explosive from the landmines is delivered to the Café René, disguised as 500 Christmas puddings. The airmen are busy practising unscrewing the covers of the landmines from inside, so they'll be able to escape and use their parachutes before the landmines hit the ground. Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen disguise themselves as monks and hide in a church bell tower so that they can keep the café under observation.
Director:  Martin Dennis  Writer:  David Croft  / Jeremy Lloyd 
 30 mins    14/01/1989  20.  Land Mines for London
Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen are hiding inside the landmines. The Germans recover the mines, take them back to the airbase. Later they're loaded into a plane and dropped over England, with Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen still inside.
Director:  Richard Boden  Writer:  David Croft  / Jeremy Lloyd 
 30 mins    21/01/1989  21.  Flight to Geneva
The latest escape plan for the British airmen involves them sitting astride a midget submarine wearing diving helmets. René plans to elope with Yvette and the paintings. Before he can leave, Helga arrives and forces him to go with her to the chateau. Colonel Von Strohm insists on taking the paintings from René. Herr Flick discovers that General Von Klinkerhoffen has sold the paintings for a fortune in gold bars. The gold is stored in the safe at the police station. René steals it. He leaves notes for Edith and Yvette with Monsieur Le Clerc, who mixes them up.
Director:  Richard Boden  Writer:  David Croft  / Jeremy Lloyd 
 30 mins    28/01/1989  22.  Train of Events
The Résistance blows up the train using some of the exploding Christmas puddings. Everyone makes their way back to Nouvion. René still has General Von Klinkerhoffen's gold. The General doesn't know it's missing because Officer Crabtree has gummed up the lock on the safe. Lieutenant Gruber is ordered to collect the safe in his 'little tank' and take it to the General's chateau. The General has also taken the statue containing the real paintings from the Colonel Von Strohm's office. René tries to blow open the safe using one of the exploding Christmas Puddings. He manages to blow up Gruber's 'little tank', along with Captain Bertorelli.
Director:  Richard Boden  Writer:  David Croft  / Jeremy Lloyd 
 30 mins    04/02/1989  23.  An Enigma Variation
General von Klinkerhoffen has recovered most of his gold from Gruber's tank. René still has four bars, which he melts down and makes into a new weight for the cuckoo clock in the café. Colonel Von Strohm and Lieutenant Gruber offer Rene a deal - they won't look for the missing gold if René recovers their statue from the General's chateau. The Excelsior Quartet, a group of musicians hired to play at the chateau, are detained so that René and company can take their place. They manage to recover the contents of the statue.
Director:  Richard Boden  Writer:  David Croft  / Jeremy Lloyd 
 30 mins    11/02/1989  24.  Wedding Bloss
Edith announces that she'll marry Monsieur Alphonse unless René agrees to remarry her. Afraid of losing the café, René reluctantly agrees. Monsieur Alphonse, as Deputy Mayor, will have to perform the ceremony. René returns the paintings to Colonel Von Strohm and Lieutenant Gruber. The wedding ceremony is held, but Monsieur Alphonse has problems officiating. Captain Bertorelli brings along a surprise to the ceremony - Christmas puddings.
Director:  Richard Boden  Writer:  John Chapman  / Ian Davidson 
 30 mins    18/02/1989  25.  Down the Drain
The Enigma machine is to be smuggled to England in the midget submarine. René is told to put the machine into a wine barrel and drop it into the sewer. At a certain time, everyone in Nouvion will flush their toilet and the resulting surge of water will send the wine barrel along the sewer to the submarine. The British lay on an air raid as a diversion, but they manage to bomb the pumping station by mistake, so there's no water to flush the toilets with. It's discovered that Monsieur Le Clerc has put the wrong box in the wine barrel. The Enigma machine is still hidden in the café.
Director:  Richard Boden  Writer:  Ronald Chesney  / Ronald Wolfe 
 30 mins    25/02/1989  26.  All in Disgeese
British Intelligence sends experts, disguised as policemen, to examine the Enigma machine. General Von Klinkerhoffen announces that René will be shot if the machine isn't handed back to the Germans. Herr Flick arrests Edith, Yvette, and Mimi and uses a truth serum on them. This makes Mimi act rather strangely.
Director:  Richard Boden  Writer:  David Croft  / Jeremy Lloyd 
Edition Details
Series 'Allo 'Allo!
No. of Discs/Tapes 1